Warning: This article contains difficult information to process if you know me, and deals with matters of life and death.
Ok, so the proverbial crap has hit the fan...and splattered all over the wall! There is no good way to say this so I'm just gonna throw it on the table and then we will kick it around.
I had a seizure on the afternoon of December 5th and again about 3 am December 10th, 2020. Both described as generalized tonic clonic seizure, no apparent lasting neurological effects. After the second seizure an MRI was performed, it was in this imaging that I was diagnosed with a likely glioma in the left frontal lobe of my brain which will require an awake craniotomy, because it is so near the speech centers of my brain.
Needless to say, the news felt like a death sentence, and that has been a hard feeling to shake. It's a full 10 days later and I'm finally able to face a new day without the overwhelming rush of emotions that I face every morning as I remember my diagnosis. Before you waste your time googling the above diagnosis, let me give you the nitty gritty reality of it. It all comes down to the surgery, and the pathology of the tumor that is removed from my brain. Assuming the doctors are correct based solely on a set of MRI images and bloodwork, then I have a glioma which is almost certainly a grade II or higher glioma given my age at diagnosis. Assuming the best case scenario, at least 20% of patients with slow growing grade II glioma will live 20 years and more beyond diagnosis. Until the surgery, I can only hope beyond hope that I am one of these patients.
As much as I hate to even bring it up, it wouldn't be fair to not consider the worst case scenario as well. The worst possible case is a pathology report that shows a grade IV fast growing glioma. In this case, average patient life expectancy is 15 months.....Never saw that coming! Insert your favorite explicative here!
At this point, I can't say for sure, its a huge spread and the doctors could even be wrong, they are working with very limited information. I can't fathom a 15 month life expectancy and so I'm not even going to consider it. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to live forever...well, at least get to enjoy many years of retirement. That's the only attitude I can approach this with, for my sake and for the sake of my wife and children. If you've never been handed a diagnosis like this, it is impossible to describe the range of emotions that wash over you, sometimes minute by minute. The fear of leaving people behind, the love you feel from those close to you, the fear they feel for you...it is palpable.
I have chosen to work with the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. They are the best of the best, giving me the best shot, and I intend to fight with everything I've got and never stop.
Dr. Bernie Siegel feels that attitude is a major contributing factor in fighting cancer. Here is an article Dr Siegel wrote to a newspaper.
ReplyDeleteDear Editor,
Today you published a front page article about a young boy who died after fighting his illness.
The reason I am writing this letter is to tell people to stop focusing on fighting and battling an illness and begin to work at healing your life and body so you don’t empower your disease and then die and become a loser. We are all going to die but the life this boy lived is what makes Trenton immortal, a winner. and a teacher.
I have been counseling cancer patients for over forty years and oncologists began calling my patients, Siegel’s crazy patients, because they knew they would exceed expectations. What patients need to focus on is healing their lives and bodies and letting their hearts make up their minds. Faith, hope and love can do amazing things.
We are not statistics. Let me share some stories.
A Quaker, and conscientious objector, was told by his doctor, “I am going to kill your cancer.” He answered, “I don’t kill anything.” went home and lived twelve years doing his thing. A woman who was given a few months to live said, “I bought a dog and put in a backyard wildlife habitat. Took vitamins. laughed and didn’t die. Now i”m so busy I’killing myself. Help where do i go from here.” I told her to take a nap.
Two men who were given months to live changed their living conditions. One moved to the mountains of Colorado to die in the beautiful mountains. The other bought a house on the ocean in Miami and cancelled the dress code at work.When I didn’t get a phone call after several months inviting me to their funerals I called to tell their families I was upset by their ignoring my request about attending the funeral. Guess who answered the phone and said, “It was so beautiful I forgot to die.”
I can tell stories forever and why I write books about these people. They are teaching us about survival and self-induced healing. When I meet people I thought were dead they always have a story about why they didn’t die from leaving their troubles to God to wanting to make the world beautiful before they died. They weren’t trying to not die and battle their disease they were spending time living and their body got the message.so their life was not a series of Monday morning, when suicide, heart attacks and moreincrease, but a day for their hearts to enjoy.
Peace,
Bernie Siegel, MD
He also was asked at one of his seminars I attended if he believed in "Miracles". He said yes, he did. In treating several thousand patients he has had 3 people who had confirmed cancers. When going in to operate and remove the tumors.....they were gone. That's a very small percentage but it has happened. I also remember him talking about a gardener coming in to see him because he wasn't feeling well. Tests showed the gardener had cancer. I don't recall what type now. The doctor recommended immediate treatment because of the aggressive nature of the cancer. The gardener said, I can't do it now...this is spring with summer coming soon. This is my busy time of the year. My customers need me. He told the doctor he would be back. The doctor told the nurse they would never see him again. That fall they get a call from the gardener. He is ready to come back for treatment. His attitude and goals gave him many productive months. It sounds like you are heading into this journey with a good attitude too. LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING jERRY!
Thank you for these words of encouragement! I'm still feeling good, taking each day one by one and enjoying all I can!
DeleteJerry
Hello Jerry,
ReplyDeleteI heard today about your diagnosis and I wanted to take a moment to will you strength and encouragement. When I found out what you are facing, I immediately thought of my grandmother, who had a brain tumor that came to light in her 60s. She went to the Mayo clinic for treatment, including removal of the tumor by the craniotomy method that you described in your post. She went on to live a normal life into her 90s, with no apparent side effects after the surgery. I hope that a similar outcome awaits you, and I will pray for the same. Stay positive and godspeed! - Nick Glassmaker
Nick,
DeleteThank you so much for sharing! This is the best news I've heard so far, I can't thank you enough for this encouragement! Right when I needed it most.
Jerry