I feel good this morning, it has been awhile since waking up to anything but fear and dread. My son came over the other day and suggested that I try some CBD gummies to address my stress levels and the lack of sleep, he left some here. I'm pretty skeptical of this sort of thing but I had to do something and really didn't want to go down the prescription anti depressants road, even though they were offered several times by various doctors. I'm already taking the Keppra and although I am tolerating it well, I think maybe it is causing a bit of evacuation problems if you catch my drift.
What I have noticed is I wake up feeling ok given the news I received, but the act of taking the Keppra at 9 am seems to kick of my emotions shortly after. I'm not sure if it is the simple act of taking the Keppra reminding me of my situation or if it is a side effect of the Keppra itself, but shortly after taking it the emotional roller coaster starts. So for the past couple days, I have gotten up a little early, taken a small dose of CBG delivered in Olive oil, and then at 9 am I take my Keppra. My mood doesn't seem to crash and I would almost say that I'm in a positive mood most of the day. I haven't noticed any other side effects or tiredness.
My wife had a great idea, we should watch something funny or uplifting in the morning to help combat this problem. So today we watched The Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell. Oh man, I forgot how great this movie is, if you haven't seen it I suggest you stop what you are doing and watch it immediately! Not to sound depressing or anything, but what if I only had the one Christmas left? How would I make it great, unforgettable even? Which gets me to thinking, maybe I've actually been given a gift with this diagnosis. I mean, no one lives forever, and I've been reminded in no uncertain terms that you have to make the most of every day because you don't know which will be your last. I think about the the things I've wasted my energy being upset about in the past year or two and it all seems so small now, why did I allow myself to waste that time being angry or upset? It's because I was gonna live forever back then, I had time to fix everything, time to do it all.
Well, turns out, nothing lasts forever...not even me. So time for a reality check, what matters most to me, and what matters when I'm gone? Clearly my kids are my most important legacy. Maybe my words and the impacts I've had on the people around me. Students that I have impacted and helped graduate, and maybe the discoveries they make that could change the world long after I'm gone. In short, it's pretty clear the people matter the most, everything else will rust away or be lost with time. Even long after I'm forgotten, those things I have taught or instilled in people will continue to be passed on to others and continue to impact the world.
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